Chloe Dances

She can't help herself. She dances with spontaneity throughout her day. It's one of the things that I really cherish about her. Sometimes she will just walk in the room and strike a pose for no good reason. And we can hardly ever get her to try on clothes without her strutting her stuff back and forth with this corny "I'm a model" look on her face, always ending it with her hands one her butt... butt in our faces... and looking over one of her shoulders at us.

The kid makes me laugh.

So last night I heard Chloe kind of yell out from our stairs and start crying a little. It was one of those cries that kind of said, "I'm not really hurt, but my sister just hit me for no reason and I'm not happy about it." One of those. Anyway, I went to find out what the deal was, and I was right; Evalee had shoved her sister while she was standing on the stairs.

I did the dad thing and said, "Why'd you push her?"

Evalee said she didn't really know why, just did it. "What was she doing?" I asked. So Evalee starts telling me that Chloe had her back to her, was standing on the stairs and was just sort of flailing herself around impromtu. So while she's telling me this, Chloe's tears turn to laughter and she starts cracking up at herself. Like REALLY laughing hard... and now so is Evalee and so am I.

"What were you doing?" I ask Chloe. "Just this," she says, and starts flailing herself around.

Now the thing I love about this is, she wasn't doing it for anyone... she didn't think anyone saw her. So she's just doing this little private dance for herself, being who God has hard-wired her to be.

I'm telling you...this is the stuff of life to me. Chloe brings so much fun and spontaneous joy to our family! And I seriously hope it never goes away.

4th Folder, 4th Picture

I saw this on God Nudges and thought it would be fun. You're supposed to go to where you keep your photos on your computer and open the 4th folder, and then the 4th picture in that folder, and then put it on your blog and explain it.

Here's mine (and I'm not surprised)

This is from Christmas 2007. Chloe loves to dress up Mimi.

I am not clear how this dog is sooooo patient. There were about 50 different poses of Mimi with Christmas crap and riff-raff all over her. Poor baby. Just last week Heather let a 3-year-old girl put Mimi in her stroller and walk her around the cul-de-sac. And of course, Mimi just went along for the ride, sitting in a little baby doll stroller with her little legs dangling out.

This dog is such a sweetie head. A LITTLE SWEETIE HEAD!!!

The Glass Castle

I have to tell you about this book. If you are looking for a good summer read, The Glass Castle is exactly that. Heather's friend lent it to her, and when I saw it lying on our kitchen counter, I picked it up and made it an official read of my "stay"cation.

The Glass Castle is a memoir, not a novel, and is written by journalist, Jeannette Walls. She writes about her very strange childhood, sharing memories of her father, mother, brother, and sisters. She tells how her parents refused to conform to society’s ideas of responsibility. These were interesting and intelligent (brilliant actually) parents who were leaving their children to fend for themselves. But she tells her story without anger or self-pity, recalling memories that will shock you, and recalling them with an almost innocent presentation of the facts.

First line of the book: "I was on fire." And she's not kidding. What a great line to reel you in.

And I have to say, this book is NOT depressing and sad; it is fun, entertaining, thought provoking, and a quick easy read. There were times I was rolling at situations this woman remembers. It's one of those books that makes you go "Oh, that's right, I remember crap like that from my adolescence."

I'd recommend it to anyone, but for any of you who had a crazy childhood like mine, well... you HAVE to read this book!

Here's where you can pick it up for $9.00

I never really buy books for people, but the day after I finished it, I picked up a copy and sent it to my sister.

If you end up reading it, let me know. If you've already read it, comment and let me know what you thought.

The Patio: Before and After

Before...

I've not been happy with this patio for a while - stained and ganked and driveway-ish.


After...

It's amazing what a little elbow grease and some concrete stain can do. I'm loving this new little sitting spot.

This is a closeup of the stencil.

Okay - so now someone tell me to stop - cuz I still have the stencil and I've been known to take a good thing too far. I've put it away for now, but I'm dying to do more crap with it. We'll see if I've learned my lesson.

The patio is growing on Heather (her and Evalee are not Change Junkies)... but they'll come around.

The Wedding

Well, the wedding was most excellent. I have to admit, it was nerve-racking seeing family that you haven't seen in almost 20 years, doing your best to see their "twenty year ago" face somewhere within their new face.

Mark was great. What I remember about him is still there. Still polite, still gentle, and still kind hearted.

It was great sitting down with him and noticing things. (The scar on his arm that I mentioned in this blog. Also, the dark piece of metal lodged in his ear from a lost bout with the swing set... things only family would know.

Life is strange. One minute things seem to be as they should be... and the next, well, they are as they should be. One minute we found ourselves splintered for 20 years, and the next, together.

It was an honor to stand up with Mark, to be some one's big brother, to tell him not to lock his knees out so he wouldn't fall down during the ceremony (that's the stuff of big brothers). It was also an honor to see him marrying into such a great family. Lisa's family is definitely a "salt of the earth" kind of family. She is one of 7 children, and is the oldest... the woman knew EXACTLY what was going on every minute of her ceremony.

Okay, so after the wedding, at the reception hall... I went into the bathroom, did my business (in my tux - not IN my tux), went to wash my hands, and saw this faucet. Actually a whole row of them. Like I said, I haven't seen Mark in almost 20 years, but I haven't actually lived with him since he was 13 and I was 14... and at that time, these were the faucets in our house! The year? 1984!!! I cracked up when I saw them, so I had to get a pic.

Thanks for all your kind comments on the above post - it was meaningful to come home and know that I was being supported and thought of. And I'm so glad I went. It would've been an easy opportunity to miss If I had just said, "I'm not sure it's going to work for me to be there," or "I work on the weekends, but God bless." But I didn't say those things. Instead, I said, "Mark who?" and when he said, "Uhhh... Mark your brother - I'm gettin' married. Wanna be my best man?" I responded, "Well...ummm...sure, I guess so." I mean seriously, how could I not do this? Everyone already knows I'm the best man.

...when we were brothers

About six months ago my younger brother called me out of the blue and asked me to be the Best Man in his wedding. Seems normal enough. And it would've been normal except that I hadn't seen this brother in about 20 years.

20 years.

Hmmm...

Mark is not actually my brother by blood. He is my step brother and came into my family when I was three and he was two. Our childhood was tumultuous, to say the least. We've reminisced over it the last six months, and it's good to know that I'm not crazy... that it really was what I thought. It's great to have another person validate what you remember and bring those dark memories into a brighter light, where they cast fewer shadows.

We've laughed a lot. Remembering when. We talked about the scar on his arm from sliding in our new socks in the basement; him running into a stack of curtains rods and slicing his forearm. We also made peace over the scar on my thumb that is purely his fault. We were sitting on a bench in the backyard while I whittled on a stick. He kept saying, "I just really feel like something bad is going to happen. Like something really bad!" I told him to stop saying that, and as I did, sliced my thumb and wound up in the emergency room getting stitches. I still can't bend my thumb all the way back.

Tonight on the phone I told him I was really glad we'd made this connection, and he agreed. But still, it was strange. We were... like brothers. Partly because we lived with each other until he left our home and went to live with his real mom when he was about 13. We'd spent 11 years of our lives together. How could we not be brothers? We'd seen all the same stuff go on. We'd lived it together... both of us.

I knew him then. I'd watch him read books at ten years old, knowing that none of the rest of us read like him... knowing that even though he lived with us, he was different than us. I knew he was really good in Math when none of the rest of us were. I knew he felt lonely sometimes... that even though he was now a part of a family with 4 children, that he was still, in many ways, an only child.

When he left, we took completely different paths. I saw him once when he was 18 and I was 19. He had really long hair (burn out hair) and I was peg-ankle-panted with a Gap sweater. We were entirely different and I felt less like I knew him then, than I ever had. But I guess I don't feel like that anymore. I feel like I know him. I feel like 20 years has solidified something born in our childhoods that cannot be unborn.

When we were brothers we got along. We were pretty respectful to each other (except when he insisted that "dreamt" [and not just "dreamed"] was past tense for the word "dream." He was right.

When we were brothers... I thought we'd always be brothers. But we weren't. At the time I'd only known life with him in it. We had walked to school with each other everyday. I'd wait on him and we'd walk home... together. And when we got home, I'd watch him pull his folded brown lunch sack out of his back pocket and set it on the kitchen table, as requested. And he knew I always forgot mine.

He also knew I loved paint-by-numbers and singing in our three-brother's-trio. And I did love it. He hated it.

So on the eve of the eve of his wedding, I've gotta say, I'm proud to be reconnected. So glad that he's back... or that I'm back... or that we're back. I didn't see it coming a year ago. I didn't expect that I'd be sitting on my front porch laughing about old times... about being eight and nine years old and sorting dental billing receipts for our parent's Dental Laboratory. I didn't expect we'd have so many of the same memories.

I guess I never really expected that we'd find each other again. Or that we'd open up so quickly. Or that we'd see the past...together, and remember it as it really was. And some of it was good. Actually some of it was really good... when we were brothers.

Trophys

I got a bunch of pictures coming at ya! It was Evalee's last soccer game and I have NO IDEA why I waited this long to take pictures - getting that "good shot" was entirely exciting! I'll start with this collage and then take you through 'em. Man, what a game! We lost...but it was still a great game - and great things happened after the game. (See below)



So this is by far, my favorite shot of the day. This little girl was on her tail the entire game. Evalee is a pretty aggressive player - she goes after the ball. It's still weird for us that OUR daughter is showing a lot of natural athletic ability. Especially since Heather is no Mia Hamm, and I still have been known to refer to her soccer uniform as her "soccer outfit"... or worse, her "soccer costume." The word "rehearsal" has also been used when asking her coach about her next practice. Right... embarrassing.


Okay, so these next six pics are one single progression, in order, that I caught on camera LOVE!

Best part about the above pic? Look in the upper right hand corner, in the background. I love that my girls are growing up with that kind of love.

Okay - so here is why I call this post "trophy." This is Evalee's coach. He invited the team to Oberweiss for ice cream, sort of as the celebration of the end of the season. When we got there, he had personally bought every girl on the team a trophy... on his dime. And spoke personal words to each of them, nailing the qualities of each girl on the team before handing them their trophy. What a guy...seriously. He has been an insightful coach, who has challenged the girls, shown a great competitive attitude and demonstrated excellent sportsmanship.

Can't tell you how proud we are of this girl. She is quite a kid!

Kinda Big News

First off, I'm a dreamer. You may not have known that. And by "dreamer," I mean, I absolutely believe it's possible for people to accomplish things they are not necessarily supposed to be able to accomplish. For instance, just last night I was at the house of a girlfriend of Heather's who told me about a friend of hers whose life ambition was to be in a professional production of "Cats" the musical. She put a picture up on her mirror of the cast of "Cats" and said to herself in the mirror everyday, "One day I will be in Cats." Guess what? She's in the Broadway Series Touring Company of "Cats." So it happens.

Anyway, about four months ago I sent my book away (The Blind Writer) to a website I frequent called "The Phantom Tollbooth." They are based out of Chicago and they review books, CDs, movies, etc. To get a review by them you are first subjected to The Phantom Tollbooth critics. IF you pass muster with them, and if they deem you worthy of a review on their website, then you're in. Well guess what?

I'm in.

Check it out HERE or read it below:

The Blind Writer (finding faith beyond our Christian subculture)
Author: Matt Bays
Email Address: matt.bays@nvcl.org
# Of Pages: 219
Publisher: Self published at lulu.com
Purchase at lulu.com

The Blind Writer is a breath of fresh air from someone who has definitely walked in most of our shoes before. It is an honest look at Christianity, faith, real life issues, and church as a whole. Matt Bays really lays it all out for you one witty chapter at a time. This is a must have for every person you know or meet­... that includes YOU!

I think that at one time or another we could all say that we have struggled with a certain religious view, people in the church (everyone is perfect and you are not, etc.) , or Christianity as a whole. This writers approach to faith…its ups and downs…and his real life stories intertwined throughout the entire book will have you feeling quite relieved that you are not alone in this struggle and that you are quite normal without all the “Well just Praise God sister” or the “Hallelujahs.”

Intertwined in the chapters you will find some of Matt Bays’ original poetry, as well as his real life stories from his heart. He shares some of the most real feelings about church, people, faith and Christianity. You get it straight from this author, there is no frill, no filler, no fluff…it is straight from his life lessons and story­, no sugar coating here! He tackles many issues that some may consider taboo, but I think they are all things everyone has thought at one time or another and have just not shared an opinion out loud about. For instance, Chapter 15 ­titled "The Blind Writer" ­tells us that A) The Blind Writer is a Nineteenth Century typewriter, just in case you, like I was, thinking what does that mean??? Now you know!! And B) one of my favorite points he makes in the book is found in this chapter! He says that “We have our lives and that is all; one life, one heart, one will, one chance.” He continues to talk about how the chapters of our lives are based on the choices you make during that moment in time and how they may be good or bad. We never know exactly what we will do, exactly what may be around the corner or what we are capable of until that time comes.

I wish every Pastor, every church member, every person in the world would read this book! It is an awesome, heartfelt work and deserves to be circulated around! I recommend that you go to lulu.com and buy a copy, read it and pass it on. Buy one for a friend, Pastor or stranger! (I didn't even bold this part - it was in bold on the review)

Trish Cooper

BOOK RATING:


You must know that this book rating of "5 tocks" is their highest rating and dubs your book "A Masterpiece." I KNOW!!!

So the fun part of finding all this out was coming to my office yesterday morning and receiving an email from Lily Pad that said, "Did you see it?" She was perusing their website and came across it, so she sent me the link to their website and my book review. I certianly did not see this coming. Thanks Lily Pad!

Check out their website HERE.

One last thing: if you check out the review on their website, (it's much more exciting seeing it there as opposed to my blog; kinda like seeing a movie on the big screen instead of on demand.) you will see my review just above Richard Foster's new book review. He's a biggie in the world of spiritual writers. Ever heard of "Celebration of Discipline?" That's him. (He was lucky enough to receive as high a rating on his new work as I did, so he's in good company.)

Well, there you have it. It's an exciting day... week... LIFE!!!

Memorial Day....

...is for eating. So here's to good eats at the Harris'.

Still a little curious as to WHY they can't seem to get over the fact that I love food. That I love MY food. I've gained 17lbs in the last year, and this is how. Favorite foods these days: ice cream, cherry pie (see above), candy, danish stuff, sweet and salty bars, Heather's chocolate chip cookies, those cinnimon things from McD's, and Banket (pronounced "Bon-Ket") -which is a Dutch almond pastry you must all find and try. A nice cup of coffee and a piece (or three) of Banket, is indomitable. Banket has me convinced that it is entirely possible that God is of the lineage of the house of Diederik.

John and Beth's daughter, Tori took this pic. Ain't it gorgeous? (The pie, that is.) Yum!

15 Years Today!

Here we are about a month before we got engaged. We had no idea what life was even about back then... and I guess that was how it was supposed to be. But we were definitely in love.

We've been through a lot of ups and downs together but we have held on to each other... desperately at times, wondering if we'd make it. Well, we are making it. I'm proud to be Heather's husband. It's a cliche, but she literally is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Happy Anniversary Baby!

Glee

Tell me you saw it. Best hour of TV (adult TV) I've seen in a while. Kind of a "Highschool Musical" meets "Desperate Housewives." Let it be said...you've been warned.

My hopes are UP for the fall. The pilot episode was set to entice, and for someone who has spent too much time in show choir, it did. If you didn't see it, you can see it HERE.

Scarlet Takes a Tumble

You simply MUST see her Live. Click HERE!!!



And then you must watch this guy's response to watching it! I couldn't BREATHE while watching both of these.

Friends

John and Beth came for a visit this past weekend. It was a surprise for Heather's birthday. She was shocked when they showed up at our church here in Indiana, coming all the way from Flushing, Michigan.

Here are a couple pics from the weekend. (I knew I'd have to be the one to post this picture of Beth because Heather is just too nice to do it.) That pergola is where we sat and chatted on and on. It was excellent.

Well, we had a blast - great convos - great food - belly laughter. Man, I loved every minute of it.

There's something about being with friends. I'll tell you what I love; I love being able to be with people who really know you... like REALLY know you... people that you can say anything with - people that you can mess up with and they will still accept you for who you are... and even if they don't in that moment, you know they'll get over it and accept you later. I'll tell you what it is... it's grace. Being with people who know you and love you (the good and bad) is very simply... grace. And there was lots of it this weekend.

Here's to John and Beth!

Grateful

I spent some time working in the yard today. Then tonight I sat down, tired, on our back deck and was grateful. I don't know that women can fully understand the satisfaction that a man gets from owning land. There's something about it.

There's something in our sweat glands or somewhere, that desires to own land; to race out on a horse to get it...and then CLAIM it by stabbing a flag into the earth and stand proudly as others race by to find their piece of land. (Ever seen "Far and Away?" - great movie. Highly recommend it).

Anyway, tonight I felt it again. The pride of owning land, and then the gratefulness at what God had provided.

Goodnight.

The Soloist

I've been looking forward to this movie for a year. It's a true story - with a compelling movie trailer... I was hooked when I saw the trailer about a year ago. I won't spoil an ending here (it's not really a movie you can do that with.) Okay, so here's my two cents... and really the only reason I'm commenting on this is because I'm a little bugged at this movie.

It felt like it was sloppily put together... just a meandering plot that was, at times, dull (not because there weren't explosions, just because I felt myself feeling like it was all a bit rehearsed and a little boring.) SUCH a bummer since I had really high hopes.

The song from the trailer (Bach's Suite for solo cello no. 1 in G Major: Prelude 1) was barely used in the movie. I really thought they would use it better; place it beautifully in the context of an emotional wrinkle that fit the moment hand in glove. But I almost missed it cuz it was thrown in at an awkward time, during a cello lesson that had little to do with the plot of the movie and didn't connect the song on an emotional level at all; a total miss.

Okay -so two more things and I'm done - You'll be glad for these ones cuz they're RETARDED!

1. Jamie Foxx's character (Nathaniel Ayers) was a guy who never made it through Julliard School of Music, but started there as a promising young cellist. He enrolled at Julliard in 1970. The movie is set in 2005. Okay, so I start doing the math in my head and things are not adding up. I'm thinking well, maybe this guy was a child prodigy and started college when he was six or seven. Nope - he was 19. Okay, so that means Jamie Foxx is playing a FIFTY-FOUR year old in this movie!!! Even with his ugly hair and moled up face, he could not pass for someone who was born in NINETEEN FIFTY ONE! C'mon people. They could've used Samuel Jackson... they could've used Morgan Freeman. They could've used Denzel... or even Sidney Portier. But NOT someone who looks 35.

2. I know this is going to sound stupid and petty, but if you've seen it, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Robert Downey Jr.'s eyebrows switched back and forth from gray to black about 64 times during the movie. In several scenes they were gray, and then switched to black before the scene was done. I noticed this early on and decided to let it go so I wouldn't spoil things for myself, and I did let it go... for about 30 minutes. Then I couldn't take it anymore and actually had a couple turn around and look at me when I'd finally had enough and said, "C'mon with the eyebrows already!"

So there's my two cents. I won't say DON'T see it. And anyway, I'm a firm believer that when someone talks a movie down, it is more enjoyable because your hopes aren't unrealistically high. That's what I think anyway.

They were a couple really great moments though, honestly. And seriously, the story, is a beautiful one. I hear there's a book out, written by Robert Downey Jr.'s character (Steven Lopez) who writes for the LA Times. I'm sure that would be better than the movie.

Peace out!

PS - if you are anything like me, you'll be interested to know that if you watch the trailer, you will see the eyebrows thing. And I'm betting that without my explanation of this theatrical travesty, you would've probably thought, by watching the trailer, that this film spanned a 20 year period of time SIMPLY BECAUSE OF HIS EYEBROWS! Think I'm crazy? Give it a try and see. LOVE to know your thoughts if you've already seen The Soloist, that may as well have starred Gary Coleman. "Whatchoo talking about Jamie Foxx?"

Miss Michigan!!!

These are for Carin... cuz anyone who breaks through and does something amazing, deserves flowers. Today she was deemed Miss Michigan and got an awesome job at a place she loves just when she needed it most.

I was saving this pic for a special occassion. Turns out, that's today!

Carin's blog is called "Life is but a Dream." Well, in the words of the lion from Oz who found his courage, "Ain't it the truth!" CONGRATS to Carin - she's living life and PAINTING THE TOWN!!!

Broken Hallelujah

These words are perfect:

When all that I can sing is a broken hallelujah

When my only offering is shattered praise

Still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins

And I will worship You and give You thanks

Even when my only praise is a broken hallelujah

Taxes? DONE!

SUCH a great feeling. And one whole day in advance! Lily Pad turned me on to Taxslayer about 4 years ago. LOVE it. Simple. Took me about 2 and a half hours total. You finished? Jealous?

It's Closing Time (on fb)

Well, a couple things...First off - I've attached a photo collage of some of my favorite pics from our vacation (why I've been facebook AWOL the last week or so). Our new camera is amazing... love it. It's a Nikon D40 and you can pick it up at Target - and it's NOT $1,000. Love it!

Secondly - I am signing off of Facebook - closing up my page. There are so many things I want to do (write and write some more and keep writing) and fb has hogged all my writing time, which I miss). Yes, I'm going back to the dark ages of 2007 when I survived perfectly fine without fb. So I'll be closing up shop and shutting down my page on Saturday.That being said - I'm keeping my blog - cause I LOVE MY BLOG!

I realize that I'm not Obama or Oprah and some of you are thinking, "Really? So What? Who cares!!!" But for those of you who literally owe me your lives, (as I owe mine to Suzi Orman) I just wanted to let you know that it's closing time.

Lastly, a few of you have mentioned that you were planning to buy my book at some point. Well... I'm running a little "Blow Out Sale" for the next week (shut up Brian). Seriously, if you want it, you'll find in on sale for $9.08 - which brings my profit to exactly $.01, which makes me laugh. I'm no fool - I didn't write that sucka for nothing! I'm only leaving it at this price for a week - so NOW'S YOUR TIME!!! (I can already hear mouses clicking away) If you're interested, you can pick it up at www.lulu.com/mattbays or http://stores.lulu.com/mattbays

Okay - so that is it!

Love to you all - and to all... g'nite!

SHOW ME!!! Backstage Access

Our church is doing a series called "Show Me." This post is not about that series. It's about why I love my job... and why I love THIS part a lot!

Our theme for the 4 week series is "Vaudeville Theatre." Kinda ties in with the whole "Show Me" idea. Anyway, I love being creative. So when we decided to do a full red drape, theatre style - and our Tech guy, my good friend Scott said, "Who's gonna take the red fabric and make it look like a red curtain in a Broadway theatre?" I said, "Cough, cough - e'hem. Me... get out of the way. Let me at it!"

So here is the process below. There is so much involved in these set designs... and I learned a lot about what goes on with our sets (I don't usually do much with the sets). But running wire, hanging lights (and re-hanging them if they don't work right) is all a part of it. Very cool.

I was stunned with the outcome - and if I walked into a church and it looked like this, I'd be wondering how they pulled it off. (Not bragging - but c'mon - this set RulZ!

So let the tour begin. Here we go....




This is me snatching Scott's "fabric only" scissors to cut another zip tie while he wasn't looking. He's so "responsible." Creativity must not be squelched! When he was looking, I had to bite the end of those things off with my teeth. Makin' do baby... just makin' do.




LOVE this. Gotta click on the pic for the full effect.




We did the sides too... so those in the side seats would get the full effect. This is probably my favorite pic. The lighting cue is orange... which I would NEVER have done with the red curtain... but it is totally sweet. Our guys know wassup!




Rockin' out on "Hosanna," cuz praise is rising.
I hope you've enjoyed your private personal tour of the "Show Me" set. Thanks for coming, enjoy the rest of your day at Cedar Point... the aMAZEment park. (I'm not sure why either.)

One Single Flake of Snow

One single flake of snow descends into our gaze. An image transpires of a younger, older girl. Across the snow white terrain, we see her. She is standing at the edge. On the brink of… Something pulls her forward, to cross the threshold. Something pulls her back.

Beside her, on the ground, in the snow, in a heap, a doll is carelessly cast aside. A tender memoir. Remains of a day; like a curtain called.

Part of her longs to cross this threshold... to move and shake and feel and forget. To blow out her candles one last time. And then, to evolve.

To become.

A question manifests. Will you go?

Hissing cool breath to her apple cheeks. She cannot run or stay or leave. She stands on the precipice and howls at the moon; into a canyon showing no signs of life... and no answers.

But...

a thin crooked line is drawn in the canyon floor. Her pupils tighten. It is moving, rushing.

The crooked line...

...a crooked river.

Calling her. Tempting her. Enticing the juvenile tributary raging in her own breast.

She bends an ear as the wind carries an ancient message, dependent on its own survival. “Join me. Take a step; rush your death. Come in to the raging waters. Take your place in the river."

A breeze encircles her head, her angel soul. Blows in one ear, coaxing an answer from her lips. Her eyes rest inside her. Her lips begin to part. And all of life listens, as she whispers one final youth breath...

“Farewell.”

Good for the Soul

Well it was a crazy week. The good thing about working on your soul is, you get to know yourself better - and you begin to understand what makes you tick. I'm figuring that out. Blaming used to be, well... useful. It proclaimed my innocence. That worked for about 10 years... then it stopped. So these days, if something gets me down or depressed, I go inside. Inside me. I start asking questions and trying to figure out what's broken. I'm getting pretty good at it.

Part of the healing process for me is to be creative. For some people it's a chore to be creative (yet they may LOVE doing taxes - it happens...for real.) For me, painting something, pinning something, using a paper clip and an elastic string torn from my sock to make something do what I want it to do just happens to be right up my alley.

Today I decided to be fresh... happy... enjoy the day. And I have. Best part of my day? Lunch. I was driving in my car - sun roof and windows down (get a sun roof - pay extra - steal one from the junkyard and make it work. I've got some extra elastic strings from my socks if you need them for installation.) Okay, so I'm way in to American Idol. Of course most of us (don't lie) have thought of what song we would audition with if we were actually young enough to go try out for American Idol. At least I have. Used to be "Just Once" by James Ingram, until I heard some other guy do it better than I could. I'm not gonna be that guy. So I changed my song. Now it's "Sunday Morning" by Maroon 5. Love that song. So today in my car, on the way to lunch, I allowed myself to go through the audition I'd be entitled to if I were under 30.

I walked in the audition room... Fantasia, Carrie Underwood, Reuben and Taylor were all on that banner thing behind me. I began talking to the judges, and said a couple normal things like "I'm just so proud to be here...." I was surprised at how comfortable I was. I wasn't nervous at all. Then I went into my song. (Yes, I actually sang it in my car.) And I have to say... I actually did really well. The judges were pretty impressed. They didn't think I was very commercial, but they liked that I picked a song that suited me. So I ended up making it through, which I felt was a great accomplishment. I hope I make the top 12. I think that's next week. I need some song ideas. I don't wanna be a Tatiana and do the same song THREE TIMES!

Anyway - it might sound stupid (or even be stupid) but it has been a great day. I mean, how can you have a bad day when you've been given stellar reviews from Simon, Paula, Kara, and Randy? It's kinda impossible.

So the sun, the singing, the fabricated audition, the fact that I'm probably going to make it to the top 2 or 3 (who knows WHAT will happen) was good for my soul. Really good. Chased my blues right out of town. I'll be leading worship this weekend. It's good to go into it with your head clear... and since mine is, I should be good to go on Sunday morning.

WILD card should be called STUPID card. Or LYING card. Or really bad hand of cards!!!

This is gonna be short - cuz I'm so bugged!

Superstition boy - please...he was ridiculously good. But would anyone buy his albums? (just cuz he's a little boring) - but I LOVED him - such a great voice. Totally consistent both of these performances. DESERVED TO GO THROUGH!!!

KT Tunstall girl (Black Horse yadda yadda) I like her. Not the best singer, but she has a cool vibe. I'd replace her with that Felicia girl (the one with Cher hair) in a New York Minute if I could... since Felicia was a MUCH better singer. I hate that they keep throwing out "This is a 'singing' competition," whenever it's convenient. Definitely wouldn't apply here. I'm glad she made it through though. She is the ONLY girl that should have made it through...but we'll talk about Jasmine in a sec. (I think they call that forshadowing.)

Anoop? He's the Kevin Covais of this group. Remember that little kid (looked like he was 12, sang like he was 50) Anoop is novelty. Right, I like him too, let's be friends. But seriously, "My Prerogative?" Could it get any cheesier? Anoop getting called back was a shock - but making the top 12 (or 13) hmmm.... the gods are angry.

Glad Matt Gir*$% made it through. He ate it on Viva la Vida - so glad he redeemed himself tonight. He was stellar.

JASMINE
Who cares? I was bored and it was NOT good. A Disney song? Argh! I'm freakin' over them saying great things about people who are marginal. I mean, Ricky's review was BAD. And then right after his bad review, they praise Jasmine? C'mon.

I'm IRRITATED... yet sadly, I will watch this show til I draw my last breath. God help me.

Idol - Here's Wassup!

Is that Carrie Underwood? Uhhh... no. This girl is cute and that is all... I have nothing else to say.

Have to be honest. I would've have given her vocals a "B." They were good, but not excellent. HOWEVER, she is a performer and was one that catches you and reels you into what SHE is doing. Can't teach that crap. Great song choice - contemporary and new. She's going through. And she's already got her hip hop name. I mean c'mon - "Lil Rounds?" that rules.

I don't care. She was boring to me. "I can't afford a stylist." Seriously? Neither can anyone honey. Oh, and the "The hairdresser messed up my hair," was what counselors like to call "projecting." Like what hairdresser "accidentally" dyes the bottom of your hair and your bangs purple? I mean, that's a pretty specific accident if you ask me. But this is not that kind of blog. SO - her singing... it was fine but I was bored. She's not making it through. TERRIBLE song choice.

Hmmm... this one is hard cuz I like blind people. And then it's not, because I don't think you should get special reviews (like he received last night) just cuz you're blind. I think he's bad. His pitch is everywhere. His moves are... slow - not clean. (His vocal moves, that is). I'm sorry, but if this cat wasn't blind he would've been ROASTED on that performance. I'm thinking he's going through - and I'm thinking this SHOULD NEVER HAPPEN!

You know what? I actually like this kid's vocals. And he would do ANYTHING for love. And so...for the love of God, take off that headband. Pretty sure he won't go through. Mamaw didn't help him any either.

This version of "Delilah" was boring. I didn't see anything special about it. Danny Gokey's friend (black guy that didn't make it) did this song better during Hollywood week. WAY better. Still can't believe he's gone. I was shocked that this dude got such positive reviews. Still - no way - not going through.

This girl has a very cool voice. She should've performed her song a whole step lower - those notes tore her up here and there. But she is really cool. Loved her. I think she's going through.


Alrighty, - I felt bad for her. She has some skills - but WRONG SONG! She had some beautiful parts to her voice (reminded me of Rachel Lampa a little) but man - she was flat almost throughout, which left me wondering if she was struggling to hear well. It's hard getting used to in-ears and sometimes you have to compensate for not hearing a "live" sound. Ain't going through.

Okay, now here's where I think I'm gonna take a beating. I gave him a big picture cuz I thought he was the best of the night. Nailed his genre - pitch PERFECT! Not the most incredible performer - but I'd listen to that song again. (I already might have). He's one of those toss-ups for me though. If I had voted last night (I didn't) he would've got my vote. I'm not thinking he'll go through - but i'd be real glad if he did.

What do you think?

Book Signing

This weekend was my book signing. It was great! I realized two days before this event that I'd not only never done a personal book signing, but that I'd never BEEN to a book signing. I thought I should probably figure out what a book signing was, and what I should be prepared for, so I got online and googled "book signing."

I found a couple articles that had plenty to say about what to expect (the possibility that no one would show - or that one person would show up and talk to you for an hour... neither of which happened.) Main things I got was "don't stick your nose in a book or no one will want to bother you." The other was "get a good pen; one that doesn't smudge." I did both of those things. But there was something else about this signing... something important that I didn't expect.

We've been in a series about leaving Egypt for the past 3 weeks at my church... and how the Israelites were in slavery, cried out to be delivered from Egypt, were delivered from Egypt, but then continued down the same path by dragging Egypt (their own things [old life patterns, sins, etc.] that held them in bondage) into their new found deliverance and freedom. I understand this...like really... I get it. Because I've been there before. Still want to go back there sometimes. Not planning to buy up tickets anytime soon.

That being said... the book signing brought out a group of people that encouraged me. They were...real. The whole focus of my book, essentially, is about recovery. It's about learning how to become self-aware and learning how to be comfortable in my own skin.

My biggest hope for this book was that those who read it would know that they weren't crazy... no matter what is going on in their lives; no matter what hopeless thoughts plague them; and no matter how defeated they feel in themselves... that there IS hope. Funny thing; I really believe that, ya know? - that there's hope.

So as I was signing books and talking to people who had already read The Blind Writer, I realized that we spoke the same language. Lots of 12-step lingo flying around. A lot of people taking responsibility for themselves. A lot of people being honest about the fact that life is hard... that they're doing the best that they can... AND that many of them are finding healing after years and years turning their backs on their problems. So, did I love this book signing? Yes. I didn't expect camaraderie... but I found it. Because we all struggle, don't we? But unfortunately, we don't all get well.

Verse of the year for me: "Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs." Jonah 2:8 Can't tell you how much I love this verse. Hope wrapped up in responsibility. Cuz that's the only way it can happen.

Anyway, I've always felt a touch shameful and uncomfortable tagging the "this is where you can get my book" info on emails, blogs etc. I've felt like it was self-promoting or something. Well, after this weekend... specifically after talking with those people that I share common ground with, I don't feel that way anymore. We're all in it together, aren't we? Or at least we should be. I'm no better than you, and you're no better than me. Level ground.

So... if you've read it and think it would be helpful to someone you know... let them know they can pick it up at Capstone Bookstore at Northview... or they can order it at www.lulu.com/mattbays.

Peace, love, HOPE and healing.

Matt

PS The pens I picked were awesome.