Raised by Wolves

I was raised by wolves
In pink gowns

Meant to stand on town-legs, I lurk
Across a moor
A swinging head
left to right
I spot a jackrabbit
And know exactly what to do

I was raised by wolves in pink gowns

I rustle up grub
I howl at the moon
next to my mother, Her fur tinged
with lunar lights
Bristling about her neck

Starting, the day I was littered
The twenty day of the eleventh twelfth
Thirty nine wolf years
Still a cub
in my mother’s pouch
watching
learning

raised by wolves

She prowls around town
Shoves me into the street
From behind a dumpster
Corners small prey
Lets drool hang from her lips
Shows me how it’s done

Shows me how to be...

irreconcilable

Part wolf
Part man
Part son
Part cub

raised by wolves

wolves in pink gowns

Yours In His Service,

Here's what I wonder....

Why do we write things like "Reaching for His glory," as sign offs to our emails? WHY MUST WE SIGN OFF WITH "Being a blessing," Seriously... it's seems to me that it's just one more way of christians separating themselves from everyone else in the world. And when I say separating, I mean, thinking we are better than others... that we've found the magic solution to life and are aiming to make that perfectly clear when we sign off on an email.

...maybe if they read my sign off at the bottom of my email, we think to ourselves, maybe they just might start loving Jesus. Don't hold your breath.

Whatever happened to "Sincerely,"? And I personally think that the ole standbye "Thanks" is getting the short end of the stick these days. Sure, it may not have the beating of angels wings in the background, but I think it's every bit as potent as "Covered in the blood of the Lamb," and just might have a touch less of a "I'm better friends with God than you are" ring to it.

I just had lunch with a friend today and we were talking about how it's a temptation for christians to insulate themselves from the rest of the world. Christian schools, christian friends, christian, christian, christian. He said, "Sometimes I feel like I'm just vanilla. And I don't want to be just vanilla." I thought about that, and about how there are christians out there (I've NEVER done this) who turn their nose up at a joke that's in poor taste. Or if someones swears they roll their eyes and claim God's holiness as their sword and shield.

And fine whatever, it's your prerogative. But it's a problem when you're not that way all the time; when you can't live up to your end of the holy bargain. You're one way at church and another way at other places. You're all "God bless you" when you sneeze at Chick-Fil-a, but are all nervously excited when watching Saw VI. It doesn't add up. It just doesn't.

Ass is a bad word, right? Whatever. We feel better about not saying "ass" than we do about not watching Saw VI. Let's be clear... Saw VI is about murdering people for fun and calling it entertainment. "Ass" is slang... not the nicest of words, but not murder for entertain either.

I'm not judging you for either of these. I'm not gonna judge you if you watch Saw VI OR if you say "ass." Know why? First of all, cause I just don't care. Secondly, because there's enough going on in me to keep me busy...I don't have time to judge your crap. (But if you sign off your email with "An ass-less vocabulary," and think someone might stop saying bad words because of it, I'm probably going to make time to judge you.)

I don't like to brag so I'll try not to here (though I'm warning you, this may sound like I think I've got my crap together.) But I'm pretty much the same person at home that I am everywhere else. Like I know I'm broken. It's why I go to 12-step meetings every week. It's why I've spent hours in counseling. But I know a lot of people who are trying to be holy... trying not to cuss... trying to send the kiddies to schools where Jesus teachers are going to help them stay on the straight and narrow. (not that there's anything wrong with that.... but keep in mind (unfortunately) that the divorce rate, suicide rate, pre-marital sex rate is pretty much the same for kids who attend christian schools and their families, as it is for those who don't attend christian schools and their families - but I'm on a tangent. I do this. I'm making a larger point here... I'm getting back on track now.) So I'd say I'm 80-90% the same at Chick Fil-a and at church and at movies and at home. But I didn't used to be.

My friend said, "I don't want to be just vanilla." And here's the thing... most people aren't vanilla. Most christians who are "holy" and do all the right things (I'm not talking about christian schools again I promise) and don't cuss, play poker, smoke, drink, dance, or let their kids get their ears pierced before they're ten years old, are not vanilla either. They might be vanilla to all their friends. They might be vanilla at church. They might be vanilla at their jobs. And all their friends might say, "Man, he is really vanilla...how does he do it?" Or their co-workers might think, "I've never heard a bad word come outta that guy's mouth, what a great big fat scoop of vanilla." But here's the thing. I swear, they're NOT vanilla. They look like vanilla, they may even smell like vanilla, but when you open them up.... guess what? Butterscotch Ripple. Because vanilla doesn't go porn surfing... know what I'm saying?

People who are trying to be vanilla are usually up in their head all alone freaking out because their personal lives are in shambles. They don't tell their friends about what's really going on in their head because they think it might make God look bad... and I get this, seriously I do - no one wants to give God a bad name... or make it seem like He doesn't work or something. So they go on with all that stuff locked away... stuff that, when locked up and hidden, has a way of morphing itself into a time bomb that WILL detonate... just give it time.

Pretending to be vanilla (when behind closed doors, and in our heads, and in the secret corners of our hearts we are covered in fudge, nuts, sprinkles and twirled with carmel) is a DEAD END! And sooner or later the facade is going to break down our marriage, our relationships, and everything in our lives that IS holy. We'll do things we thought we'd never do, and hurt people we never thought we'd hurt (including ourselves).

Vanilla is tasteless and boring... and a lie. I'm done pretending. I did it too long and it didn't make me anything but unapproachable, lonely, and a fraud.

I do realize that someone might read this and think, "Then what do I do? I don't know WHAT to do? How do I be authentic... the same everywhere, at all times and not sign off my emails with 'Until the trumpet sounds'"? Well, come talk to me. Seriously. There are ways out. It's not easy, but ya know, neither is living the big fat lie. Getting real is about getting to the truth of WHO YOU ARE. And I'm pretty sure God says that it's the truth sets people free.

Thanks,

Matt

The name's Matt E-Bays

I won. I WON!

I won my first ebay purchase ever!!! Pretty dang exciting. I increased my maximum bid the last 90 seconds. My heart was racing as I stared at the screen, counting down backwards..."10...9...8..." like the Apollo was about to blast off from Cape Canaveral.

So here she is. What do you think?

I know what you're thinking and you're right... my church is seriously about to ROCK and they don't even know it.

I've put it off far too long - it's time to get the accordian back into rock rotation. Nobody puts Cordy in the corner.

Okay, so I'm gonna need a name for this delicious bass. Anyone ideas?

There. She Fixed It!

A couple weeks ago I received an email that had me rolling. It was called, "There. I Fixed It!" and was a bunch of pictures of things people had rigged to get working properly. (Well, sort of.) Included was an air conditioning unit in the passenger side window of a car, power by a generator which was duct taped to the trunk of the car. I was laughing hard because although it looks hilarious, I find the creativity of people who have a knack for "making it work" fascinating. I'm a "make it work" kind of guy myself, so I'm always impressed when people don't just hammer a nail in the wall, but instead, shoe a nail in the wall, or thumbnail one in the wall.

My sister and I refer to this specific set of skills as the "make do gene." It's the gene that's typically present in people who by nature, are laid back. It's a great gene to have if you find yourself having lunch with the kiddies at Cedar Point and you realize you forgot to pack napkins. In which case, empty cheese slice wrappers work beautifully. (My sister is a miracle worker.) Funny thing is; her kids never batted an eye when she offered them each one. Just took them from her and started wiping their 8, 9, and 12 year old faces with them.

Anyway, I decided to post a couple of our own "make do gene" miracles around here. Evalee doesn't seem to have the "make do gene." It's a work in progress with her. Just gimme some time. However, Chloe is fully embracing it, as you can see below.

I went out to clean up the Slip-n-slide and apparently she couldn't find the plastic stakes that come with it to hold it into the ground, so... she improvised. Love it. Makes me proud.



She gets this from me.

This following is our front porch chair which is obviously torn through. What's a person to do? I found an old piece of ply wood and There. I fixed it. Had to cut it with a hack saw. Total pain, but the result is sheer perfection. Just add a chair cushion and cop a squat!




But this is my fav by a long shot. Heather took this pic cause she was amazed at the "make do gene" in full swing. (I'm choosing to believe that.) I was talking on the phone to my sister while trying to do dishes and it just wasn't working. So while on the phone, I came up with this little baby. And actually, it was pretty comfortable AND I got the dishes done while chit chatting.

I have to brag on Heather... while she is not a "make do gene" person, I got a phone call from her last winter that surprised me. She was going to go for a walk on a cold winter's morning and couldn't find the dog's leash. Normally, she might have just decided not to go, at at least not to take the dog. But instead, I got a phone call while at work and I could tell she was walking. She told me that she couldn't find Mimi's leash but that she decided to push through it. "So what did you do?" I asked. "Oh, I just used one of the girl's belts," she said. And I was impressed and proud. I only wish I had a picture of that!

Chloe Dances

She can't help herself. She dances with spontaneity throughout her day. It's one of the things that I really cherish about her. Sometimes she will just walk in the room and strike a pose for no good reason. And we can hardly ever get her to try on clothes without her strutting her stuff back and forth with this corny "I'm a model" look on her face, always ending it with her hands one her butt... butt in our faces... and looking over one of her shoulders at us.

The kid makes me laugh.

So last night I heard Chloe kind of yell out from our stairs and start crying a little. It was one of those cries that kind of said, "I'm not really hurt, but my sister just hit me for no reason and I'm not happy about it." One of those. Anyway, I went to find out what the deal was, and I was right; Evalee had shoved her sister while she was standing on the stairs.

I did the dad thing and said, "Why'd you push her?"

Evalee said she didn't really know why, just did it. "What was she doing?" I asked. So Evalee starts telling me that Chloe had her back to her, was standing on the stairs and was just sort of flailing herself around impromtu. So while she's telling me this, Chloe's tears turn to laughter and she starts cracking up at herself. Like REALLY laughing hard... and now so is Evalee and so am I.

"What were you doing?" I ask Chloe. "Just this," she says, and starts flailing herself around.

Now the thing I love about this is, she wasn't doing it for anyone... she didn't think anyone saw her. So she's just doing this little private dance for herself, being who God has hard-wired her to be.

I'm telling you...this is the stuff of life to me. Chloe brings so much fun and spontaneous joy to our family! And I seriously hope it never goes away.

4th Folder, 4th Picture

I saw this on God Nudges and thought it would be fun. You're supposed to go to where you keep your photos on your computer and open the 4th folder, and then the 4th picture in that folder, and then put it on your blog and explain it.

Here's mine (and I'm not surprised)

This is from Christmas 2007. Chloe loves to dress up Mimi.

I am not clear how this dog is sooooo patient. There were about 50 different poses of Mimi with Christmas crap and riff-raff all over her. Poor baby. Just last week Heather let a 3-year-old girl put Mimi in her stroller and walk her around the cul-de-sac. And of course, Mimi just went along for the ride, sitting in a little baby doll stroller with her little legs dangling out.

This dog is such a sweetie head. A LITTLE SWEETIE HEAD!!!

The Glass Castle

I have to tell you about this book. If you are looking for a good summer read, The Glass Castle is exactly that. Heather's friend lent it to her, and when I saw it lying on our kitchen counter, I picked it up and made it an official read of my "stay"cation.

The Glass Castle is a memoir, not a novel, and is written by journalist, Jeannette Walls. She writes about her very strange childhood, sharing memories of her father, mother, brother, and sisters. She tells how her parents refused to conform to society’s ideas of responsibility. These were interesting and intelligent (brilliant actually) parents who were leaving their children to fend for themselves. But she tells her story without anger or self-pity, recalling memories that will shock you, and recalling them with an almost innocent presentation of the facts.

First line of the book: "I was on fire." And she's not kidding. What a great line to reel you in.

And I have to say, this book is NOT depressing and sad; it is fun, entertaining, thought provoking, and a quick easy read. There were times I was rolling at situations this woman remembers. It's one of those books that makes you go "Oh, that's right, I remember crap like that from my adolescence."

I'd recommend it to anyone, but for any of you who had a crazy childhood like mine, well... you HAVE to read this book!

Here's where you can pick it up for $9.00

I never really buy books for people, but the day after I finished it, I picked up a copy and sent it to my sister.

If you end up reading it, let me know. If you've already read it, comment and let me know what you thought.

The Patio: Before and After

Before...

I've not been happy with this patio for a while - stained and ganked and driveway-ish.


After...

It's amazing what a little elbow grease and some concrete stain can do. I'm loving this new little sitting spot.

This is a closeup of the stencil.

Okay - so now someone tell me to stop - cuz I still have the stencil and I've been known to take a good thing too far. I've put it away for now, but I'm dying to do more crap with it. We'll see if I've learned my lesson.

The patio is growing on Heather (her and Evalee are not Change Junkies)... but they'll come around.

The Wedding

Well, the wedding was most excellent. I have to admit, it was nerve-racking seeing family that you haven't seen in almost 20 years, doing your best to see their "twenty year ago" face somewhere within their new face.

Mark was great. What I remember about him is still there. Still polite, still gentle, and still kind hearted.

It was great sitting down with him and noticing things. (The scar on his arm that I mentioned in this blog. Also, the dark piece of metal lodged in his ear from a lost bout with the swing set... things only family would know.

Life is strange. One minute things seem to be as they should be... and the next, well, they are as they should be. One minute we found ourselves splintered for 20 years, and the next, together.

It was an honor to stand up with Mark, to be some one's big brother, to tell him not to lock his knees out so he wouldn't fall down during the ceremony (that's the stuff of big brothers). It was also an honor to see him marrying into such a great family. Lisa's family is definitely a "salt of the earth" kind of family. She is one of 7 children, and is the oldest... the woman knew EXACTLY what was going on every minute of her ceremony.

Okay, so after the wedding, at the reception hall... I went into the bathroom, did my business (in my tux - not IN my tux), went to wash my hands, and saw this faucet. Actually a whole row of them. Like I said, I haven't seen Mark in almost 20 years, but I haven't actually lived with him since he was 13 and I was 14... and at that time, these were the faucets in our house! The year? 1984!!! I cracked up when I saw them, so I had to get a pic.

Thanks for all your kind comments on the above post - it was meaningful to come home and know that I was being supported and thought of. And I'm so glad I went. It would've been an easy opportunity to miss If I had just said, "I'm not sure it's going to work for me to be there," or "I work on the weekends, but God bless." But I didn't say those things. Instead, I said, "Mark who?" and when he said, "Uhhh... Mark your brother - I'm gettin' married. Wanna be my best man?" I responded, "Well...ummm...sure, I guess so." I mean seriously, how could I not do this? Everyone already knows I'm the best man.

...when we were brothers

About six months ago my younger brother called me out of the blue and asked me to be the Best Man in his wedding. Seems normal enough. And it would've been normal except that I hadn't seen this brother in about 20 years.

20 years.

Hmmm...

Mark is not actually my brother by blood. He is my step brother and came into my family when I was three and he was two. Our childhood was tumultuous, to say the least. We've reminisced over it the last six months, and it's good to know that I'm not crazy... that it really was what I thought. It's great to have another person validate what you remember and bring those dark memories into a brighter light, where they cast fewer shadows.

We've laughed a lot. Remembering when. We talked about the scar on his arm from sliding in our new socks in the basement; him running into a stack of curtains rods and slicing his forearm. We also made peace over the scar on my thumb that is purely his fault. We were sitting on a bench in the backyard while I whittled on a stick. He kept saying, "I just really feel like something bad is going to happen. Like something really bad!" I told him to stop saying that, and as I did, sliced my thumb and wound up in the emergency room getting stitches. I still can't bend my thumb all the way back.

Tonight on the phone I told him I was really glad we'd made this connection, and he agreed. But still, it was strange. We were... like brothers. Partly because we lived with each other until he left our home and went to live with his real mom when he was about 13. We'd spent 11 years of our lives together. How could we not be brothers? We'd seen all the same stuff go on. We'd lived it together... both of us.

I knew him then. I'd watch him read books at ten years old, knowing that none of the rest of us read like him... knowing that even though he lived with us, he was different than us. I knew he was really good in Math when none of the rest of us were. I knew he felt lonely sometimes... that even though he was now a part of a family with 4 children, that he was still, in many ways, an only child.

When he left, we took completely different paths. I saw him once when he was 18 and I was 19. He had really long hair (burn out hair) and I was peg-ankle-panted with a Gap sweater. We were entirely different and I felt less like I knew him then, than I ever had. But I guess I don't feel like that anymore. I feel like I know him. I feel like 20 years has solidified something born in our childhoods that cannot be unborn.

When we were brothers we got along. We were pretty respectful to each other (except when he insisted that "dreamt" [and not just "dreamed"] was past tense for the word "dream." He was right.

When we were brothers... I thought we'd always be brothers. But we weren't. At the time I'd only known life with him in it. We had walked to school with each other everyday. I'd wait on him and we'd walk home... together. And when we got home, I'd watch him pull his folded brown lunch sack out of his back pocket and set it on the kitchen table, as requested. And he knew I always forgot mine.

He also knew I loved paint-by-numbers and singing in our three-brother's-trio. And I did love it. He hated it.

So on the eve of the eve of his wedding, I've gotta say, I'm proud to be reconnected. So glad that he's back... or that I'm back... or that we're back. I didn't see it coming a year ago. I didn't expect that I'd be sitting on my front porch laughing about old times... about being eight and nine years old and sorting dental billing receipts for our parent's Dental Laboratory. I didn't expect we'd have so many of the same memories.

I guess I never really expected that we'd find each other again. Or that we'd open up so quickly. Or that we'd see the past...together, and remember it as it really was. And some of it was good. Actually some of it was really good... when we were brothers.

Trophys

I got a bunch of pictures coming at ya! It was Evalee's last soccer game and I have NO IDEA why I waited this long to take pictures - getting that "good shot" was entirely exciting! I'll start with this collage and then take you through 'em. Man, what a game! We lost...but it was still a great game - and great things happened after the game. (See below)



So this is by far, my favorite shot of the day. This little girl was on her tail the entire game. Evalee is a pretty aggressive player - she goes after the ball. It's still weird for us that OUR daughter is showing a lot of natural athletic ability. Especially since Heather is no Mia Hamm, and I still have been known to refer to her soccer uniform as her "soccer outfit"... or worse, her "soccer costume." The word "rehearsal" has also been used when asking her coach about her next practice. Right... embarrassing.


Okay, so these next six pics are one single progression, in order, that I caught on camera LOVE!

Best part about the above pic? Look in the upper right hand corner, in the background. I love that my girls are growing up with that kind of love.

Okay - so here is why I call this post "trophy." This is Evalee's coach. He invited the team to Oberweiss for ice cream, sort of as the celebration of the end of the season. When we got there, he had personally bought every girl on the team a trophy... on his dime. And spoke personal words to each of them, nailing the qualities of each girl on the team before handing them their trophy. What a guy...seriously. He has been an insightful coach, who has challenged the girls, shown a great competitive attitude and demonstrated excellent sportsmanship.

Can't tell you how proud we are of this girl. She is quite a kid!

Kinda Big News

First off, I'm a dreamer. You may not have known that. And by "dreamer," I mean, I absolutely believe it's possible for people to accomplish things they are not necessarily supposed to be able to accomplish. For instance, just last night I was at the house of a girlfriend of Heather's who told me about a friend of hers whose life ambition was to be in a professional production of "Cats" the musical. She put a picture up on her mirror of the cast of "Cats" and said to herself in the mirror everyday, "One day I will be in Cats." Guess what? She's in the Broadway Series Touring Company of "Cats." So it happens.

Anyway, about four months ago I sent my book away (The Blind Writer) to a website I frequent called "The Phantom Tollbooth." They are based out of Chicago and they review books, CDs, movies, etc. To get a review by them you are first subjected to The Phantom Tollbooth critics. IF you pass muster with them, and if they deem you worthy of a review on their website, then you're in. Well guess what?

I'm in.

Check it out HERE or read it below:

The Blind Writer (finding faith beyond our Christian subculture)
Author: Matt Bays
Email Address: matt.bays@nvcl.org
# Of Pages: 219
Publisher: Self published at lulu.com
Purchase at lulu.com

The Blind Writer is a breath of fresh air from someone who has definitely walked in most of our shoes before. It is an honest look at Christianity, faith, real life issues, and church as a whole. Matt Bays really lays it all out for you one witty chapter at a time. This is a must have for every person you know or meet­... that includes YOU!

I think that at one time or another we could all say that we have struggled with a certain religious view, people in the church (everyone is perfect and you are not, etc.) , or Christianity as a whole. This writers approach to faith…its ups and downs…and his real life stories intertwined throughout the entire book will have you feeling quite relieved that you are not alone in this struggle and that you are quite normal without all the “Well just Praise God sister” or the “Hallelujahs.”

Intertwined in the chapters you will find some of Matt Bays’ original poetry, as well as his real life stories from his heart. He shares some of the most real feelings about church, people, faith and Christianity. You get it straight from this author, there is no frill, no filler, no fluff…it is straight from his life lessons and story­, no sugar coating here! He tackles many issues that some may consider taboo, but I think they are all things everyone has thought at one time or another and have just not shared an opinion out loud about. For instance, Chapter 15 ­titled "The Blind Writer" ­tells us that A) The Blind Writer is a Nineteenth Century typewriter, just in case you, like I was, thinking what does that mean??? Now you know!! And B) one of my favorite points he makes in the book is found in this chapter! He says that “We have our lives and that is all; one life, one heart, one will, one chance.” He continues to talk about how the chapters of our lives are based on the choices you make during that moment in time and how they may be good or bad. We never know exactly what we will do, exactly what may be around the corner or what we are capable of until that time comes.

I wish every Pastor, every church member, every person in the world would read this book! It is an awesome, heartfelt work and deserves to be circulated around! I recommend that you go to lulu.com and buy a copy, read it and pass it on. Buy one for a friend, Pastor or stranger! (I didn't even bold this part - it was in bold on the review)

Trish Cooper

BOOK RATING:


You must know that this book rating of "5 tocks" is their highest rating and dubs your book "A Masterpiece." I KNOW!!!

So the fun part of finding all this out was coming to my office yesterday morning and receiving an email from Lily Pad that said, "Did you see it?" She was perusing their website and came across it, so she sent me the link to their website and my book review. I certianly did not see this coming. Thanks Lily Pad!

Check out their website HERE.

One last thing: if you check out the review on their website, (it's much more exciting seeing it there as opposed to my blog; kinda like seeing a movie on the big screen instead of on demand.) you will see my review just above Richard Foster's new book review. He's a biggie in the world of spiritual writers. Ever heard of "Celebration of Discipline?" That's him. (He was lucky enough to receive as high a rating on his new work as I did, so he's in good company.)

Well, there you have it. It's an exciting day... week... LIFE!!!

Memorial Day....

...is for eating. So here's to good eats at the Harris'.

Still a little curious as to WHY they can't seem to get over the fact that I love food. That I love MY food. I've gained 17lbs in the last year, and this is how. Favorite foods these days: ice cream, cherry pie (see above), candy, danish stuff, sweet and salty bars, Heather's chocolate chip cookies, those cinnimon things from McD's, and Banket (pronounced "Bon-Ket") -which is a Dutch almond pastry you must all find and try. A nice cup of coffee and a piece (or three) of Banket, is indomitable. Banket has me convinced that it is entirely possible that God is of the lineage of the house of Diederik.

John and Beth's daughter, Tori took this pic. Ain't it gorgeous? (The pie, that is.) Yum!

15 Years Today!

Here we are about a month before we got engaged. We had no idea what life was even about back then... and I guess that was how it was supposed to be. But we were definitely in love.

We've been through a lot of ups and downs together but we have held on to each other... desperately at times, wondering if we'd make it. Well, we are making it. I'm proud to be Heather's husband. It's a cliche, but she literally is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Happy Anniversary Baby!

Glee

Tell me you saw it. Best hour of TV (adult TV) I've seen in a while. Kind of a "Highschool Musical" meets "Desperate Housewives." Let it be said...you've been warned.

My hopes are UP for the fall. The pilot episode was set to entice, and for someone who has spent too much time in show choir, it did. If you didn't see it, you can see it HERE.

Scarlet Takes a Tumble

You simply MUST see her Live. Click HERE!!!



And then you must watch this guy's response to watching it! I couldn't BREATHE while watching both of these.

Friends

John and Beth came for a visit this past weekend. It was a surprise for Heather's birthday. She was shocked when they showed up at our church here in Indiana, coming all the way from Flushing, Michigan.

Here are a couple pics from the weekend. (I knew I'd have to be the one to post this picture of Beth because Heather is just too nice to do it.) That pergola is where we sat and chatted on and on. It was excellent.

Well, we had a blast - great convos - great food - belly laughter. Man, I loved every minute of it.

There's something about being with friends. I'll tell you what I love; I love being able to be with people who really know you... like REALLY know you... people that you can say anything with - people that you can mess up with and they will still accept you for who you are... and even if they don't in that moment, you know they'll get over it and accept you later. I'll tell you what it is... it's grace. Being with people who know you and love you (the good and bad) is very simply... grace. And there was lots of it this weekend.

Here's to John and Beth!

Grateful

I spent some time working in the yard today. Then tonight I sat down, tired, on our back deck and was grateful. I don't know that women can fully understand the satisfaction that a man gets from owning land. There's something about it.

There's something in our sweat glands or somewhere, that desires to own land; to race out on a horse to get it...and then CLAIM it by stabbing a flag into the earth and stand proudly as others race by to find their piece of land. (Ever seen "Far and Away?" - great movie. Highly recommend it).

Anyway, tonight I felt it again. The pride of owning land, and then the gratefulness at what God had provided.

Goodnight.

The Soloist

I've been looking forward to this movie for a year. It's a true story - with a compelling movie trailer... I was hooked when I saw the trailer about a year ago. I won't spoil an ending here (it's not really a movie you can do that with.) Okay, so here's my two cents... and really the only reason I'm commenting on this is because I'm a little bugged at this movie.

It felt like it was sloppily put together... just a meandering plot that was, at times, dull (not because there weren't explosions, just because I felt myself feeling like it was all a bit rehearsed and a little boring.) SUCH a bummer since I had really high hopes.

The song from the trailer (Bach's Suite for solo cello no. 1 in G Major: Prelude 1) was barely used in the movie. I really thought they would use it better; place it beautifully in the context of an emotional wrinkle that fit the moment hand in glove. But I almost missed it cuz it was thrown in at an awkward time, during a cello lesson that had little to do with the plot of the movie and didn't connect the song on an emotional level at all; a total miss.

Okay -so two more things and I'm done - You'll be glad for these ones cuz they're RETARDED!

1. Jamie Foxx's character (Nathaniel Ayers) was a guy who never made it through Julliard School of Music, but started there as a promising young cellist. He enrolled at Julliard in 1970. The movie is set in 2005. Okay, so I start doing the math in my head and things are not adding up. I'm thinking well, maybe this guy was a child prodigy and started college when he was six or seven. Nope - he was 19. Okay, so that means Jamie Foxx is playing a FIFTY-FOUR year old in this movie!!! Even with his ugly hair and moled up face, he could not pass for someone who was born in NINETEEN FIFTY ONE! C'mon people. They could've used Samuel Jackson... they could've used Morgan Freeman. They could've used Denzel... or even Sidney Portier. But NOT someone who looks 35.

2. I know this is going to sound stupid and petty, but if you've seen it, you know exactly what I'm talking about. Robert Downey Jr.'s eyebrows switched back and forth from gray to black about 64 times during the movie. In several scenes they were gray, and then switched to black before the scene was done. I noticed this early on and decided to let it go so I wouldn't spoil things for myself, and I did let it go... for about 30 minutes. Then I couldn't take it anymore and actually had a couple turn around and look at me when I'd finally had enough and said, "C'mon with the eyebrows already!"

So there's my two cents. I won't say DON'T see it. And anyway, I'm a firm believer that when someone talks a movie down, it is more enjoyable because your hopes aren't unrealistically high. That's what I think anyway.

They were a couple really great moments though, honestly. And seriously, the story, is a beautiful one. I hear there's a book out, written by Robert Downey Jr.'s character (Steven Lopez) who writes for the LA Times. I'm sure that would be better than the movie.

Peace out!

PS - if you are anything like me, you'll be interested to know that if you watch the trailer, you will see the eyebrows thing. And I'm betting that without my explanation of this theatrical travesty, you would've probably thought, by watching the trailer, that this film spanned a 20 year period of time SIMPLY BECAUSE OF HIS EYEBROWS! Think I'm crazy? Give it a try and see. LOVE to know your thoughts if you've already seen The Soloist, that may as well have starred Gary Coleman. "Whatchoo talking about Jamie Foxx?"

Miss Michigan!!!

These are for Carin... cuz anyone who breaks through and does something amazing, deserves flowers. Today she was deemed Miss Michigan and got an awesome job at a place she loves just when she needed it most.

I was saving this pic for a special occassion. Turns out, that's today!

Carin's blog is called "Life is but a Dream." Well, in the words of the lion from Oz who found his courage, "Ain't it the truth!" CONGRATS to Carin - she's living life and PAINTING THE TOWN!!!

Broken Hallelujah

These words are perfect:

When all that I can sing is a broken hallelujah

When my only offering is shattered praise

Still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins

And I will worship You and give You thanks

Even when my only praise is a broken hallelujah

Taxes? DONE!

SUCH a great feeling. And one whole day in advance! Lily Pad turned me on to Taxslayer about 4 years ago. LOVE it. Simple. Took me about 2 and a half hours total. You finished? Jealous?

It's Closing Time (on fb)

Well, a couple things...First off - I've attached a photo collage of some of my favorite pics from our vacation (why I've been facebook AWOL the last week or so). Our new camera is amazing... love it. It's a Nikon D40 and you can pick it up at Target - and it's NOT $1,000. Love it!

Secondly - I am signing off of Facebook - closing up my page. There are so many things I want to do (write and write some more and keep writing) and fb has hogged all my writing time, which I miss). Yes, I'm going back to the dark ages of 2007 when I survived perfectly fine without fb. So I'll be closing up shop and shutting down my page on Saturday.That being said - I'm keeping my blog - cause I LOVE MY BLOG!

I realize that I'm not Obama or Oprah and some of you are thinking, "Really? So What? Who cares!!!" But for those of you who literally owe me your lives, (as I owe mine to Suzi Orman) I just wanted to let you know that it's closing time.

Lastly, a few of you have mentioned that you were planning to buy my book at some point. Well... I'm running a little "Blow Out Sale" for the next week (shut up Brian). Seriously, if you want it, you'll find in on sale for $9.08 - which brings my profit to exactly $.01, which makes me laugh. I'm no fool - I didn't write that sucka for nothing! I'm only leaving it at this price for a week - so NOW'S YOUR TIME!!! (I can already hear mouses clicking away) If you're interested, you can pick it up at www.lulu.com/mattbays or http://stores.lulu.com/mattbays

Okay - so that is it!

Love to you all - and to all... g'nite!

SHOW ME!!! Backstage Access

Our church is doing a series called "Show Me." This post is not about that series. It's about why I love my job... and why I love THIS part a lot!

Our theme for the 4 week series is "Vaudeville Theatre." Kinda ties in with the whole "Show Me" idea. Anyway, I love being creative. So when we decided to do a full red drape, theatre style - and our Tech guy, my good friend Scott said, "Who's gonna take the red fabric and make it look like a red curtain in a Broadway theatre?" I said, "Cough, cough - e'hem. Me... get out of the way. Let me at it!"

So here is the process below. There is so much involved in these set designs... and I learned a lot about what goes on with our sets (I don't usually do much with the sets). But running wire, hanging lights (and re-hanging them if they don't work right) is all a part of it. Very cool.

I was stunned with the outcome - and if I walked into a church and it looked like this, I'd be wondering how they pulled it off. (Not bragging - but c'mon - this set RulZ!

So let the tour begin. Here we go....




This is me snatching Scott's "fabric only" scissors to cut another zip tie while he wasn't looking. He's so "responsible." Creativity must not be squelched! When he was looking, I had to bite the end of those things off with my teeth. Makin' do baby... just makin' do.




LOVE this. Gotta click on the pic for the full effect.




We did the sides too... so those in the side seats would get the full effect. This is probably my favorite pic. The lighting cue is orange... which I would NEVER have done with the red curtain... but it is totally sweet. Our guys know wassup!




Rockin' out on "Hosanna," cuz praise is rising.
I hope you've enjoyed your private personal tour of the "Show Me" set. Thanks for coming, enjoy the rest of your day at Cedar Point... the aMAZEment park. (I'm not sure why either.)

One Single Flake of Snow

One single flake of snow descends into our gaze. An image transpires of a younger, older girl. Across the snow white terrain, we see her. She is standing at the edge. On the brink of… Something pulls her forward, to cross the threshold. Something pulls her back.

Beside her, on the ground, in the snow, in a heap, a doll is carelessly cast aside. A tender memoir. Remains of a day; like a curtain called.

Part of her longs to cross this threshold... to move and shake and feel and forget. To blow out her candles one last time. And then, to evolve.

To become.

A question manifests. Will you go?

Hissing cool breath to her apple cheeks. She cannot run or stay or leave. She stands on the precipice and howls at the moon; into a canyon showing no signs of life... and no answers.

But...

a thin crooked line is drawn in the canyon floor. Her pupils tighten. It is moving, rushing.

The crooked line...

...a crooked river.

Calling her. Tempting her. Enticing the juvenile tributary raging in her own breast.

She bends an ear as the wind carries an ancient message, dependent on its own survival. “Join me. Take a step; rush your death. Come in to the raging waters. Take your place in the river."

A breeze encircles her head, her angel soul. Blows in one ear, coaxing an answer from her lips. Her eyes rest inside her. Her lips begin to part. And all of life listens, as she whispers one final youth breath...

“Farewell.”